


we're already beautiful

by boogyu (transming)



Series: here we are [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Fluff, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Slice of Life, Trans Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Trans Kim Mingyu, Trans Male Character, Transitioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:47:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22514209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transming/pseuds/boogyu
Summary: It was never easy, but Minghao was always there.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: here we are [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626976
Comments: 25
Kudos: 156
Collections: WIP OLYMPICS: WINTER 2019/20





	we're already beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and the characters shown here do not reflect the real Seventeen members or any of their family members, and they are not affiliated with this story in any way.

There's always been something… different about Mingyu. An anomaly, an abnormality. A piece that just didn’t quite fit no matter how many ways you twisted it. A piece of hair that never sat right. 

Mingyu never really wore his clothes the way the rest of the girls his age did. It’s not that he wore them differently, per say, they just never seemed to fit even when they were the perfect size. Mingyu always stood like he was itching to escape his own skin, and the only time he truly looked comfortable was when Minghao leant him one of his over-sized hoodies because Mingyu forgot to bring his own. 

Minghao's nineteen years into his life when Mingyu figures it out and names it, and himself, officially, says the words out loud for the first time in Minghao’s childhood bedroom.

_"Minghao I… I'm a boy. I'm transgender."_

Minghao has more or less had a suspicion about this for as long as Mingyu has been wearing his hoodies, and has spent his fair share of long nights turned early mornings diving deep into Wikipedia pages and Tumblr blogs reading about it. So the pronouns come easy to him, even if the new name takes a while to feel familiar on his tongue. It's a really nice name, similar to his own but with a unique twist at the end. He loves it, and Mingyu loves it, which is far more important.

And Minghao never forgets the heart stopping smile that outshines the sun the first time he says it, without hesitation, without stuttering, the moment it slides off his tongue in the middle of a sentence and everything feels perfect. Like the world had been holding its breath right up until that moment, like it can finally breathe.

It was never easy, none of it was nor ever is, but Minghao was always there.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Mingyu got a haircut last week, finally, and since then Minghao has been unable to stop looking at him. Okay _maybe_ the haircut isn't the only reason for staring but it's as good of an excuse as any to watch the quiet way Mingyu settles into himself. 

"What do you think? Hao?"

Minghao blinks himself out of a daze to Mingyu standing in front of him in a pre-loved Queen shirt and denim jacket combo. The shirt is baggy enough to hide Mingyu's chest, both with and without his binder, and the jacket makes his shoulders look broader and square. In short: "You look hot." 

Mingyu's cheeks flush almost immediately. "O-oh." He giggles, awkward and nervous and looks down at himself. "You think?" 

Minghao's fingers flex at his sides, itching to touch. He swallows unspoken words and says: "Yeah."

"Hey lady. Are you gonna buy that or not?" 

Minghao bristles and sincerely hopes, for the sake of the asshole walking down the clothes aisle, that he was talking to someone else. He doesn't dare look at Mingyu when said asshole stops right in front of them, essentially cornering them in front of the changing rooms. 

"He's buying it." Minghao says, putting emphasis on the pronoun and turning his body to cover Mingyu's. A pair of hands grab at the back of his shirt, holding him in place. 

"She should buy something else." Asshole says, ignoring Minghao’s correction entirely and staring straight over Minghao's shoulder at Mingyu. "I've had my eye on that jacket for weeks and I ain’t about to let some cross-dresser steal it." 

Minghao lurches forward on instinct, and is only stopped by Mingyu's arms around his waist. "He's not a fucking-"

"Hao," Mingyu says, voice absolutely minuscule, "Just let him have it." 

Minghao can't, not when this is the third thrift shop they've been to this week with nothing to show for it so far. Not when Mingyu, with his expensive taste and limited budget, lit up like a Christmas tree when he spotted the jacket the minute they walked into the store. Minghao refuses to let the world steal anything else from Mingyu, not if he has anything to do with it. 

So Minghao stares into the eyes of the dickhead that ruined Mingyu's day and says: "His name is Mingyu and that's his jacket. Now step off." 

"Is there a problem?" 

Minghao looks over the shoulder of The Asshole and spots one of the stores employees, recognisable only by the large homemade badge pinned haphazardly to a bright neon tie dye polo. 

"Vern, hey, you know that's my jacket right? This bitch is trying to steal it-" 

"Oh, did you finally pay for it?" Vern interrupts. He looks completely non-confrontational despite the nature of his arrival and barely spares Minghao a cursory glance. 

Asshole falters. "Well- no but I was going to-"

"So it's not your jacket." 

"Yes it is!"

Vernon tilts his head. "So you paid for it?"

"No but-"

Vern takes a step closer, cracking his neck and holding his hands behind his back and something in the air changes. "If you're gonna be in my store, you leave the transphobia at home."

"She's-"

" _He's_ a paying customer and a human being.” Vern shrugs like he genuinely couldn’t care less. “If you have a problem with that, you can leave." 

Asshole flounders for a bit, looking between Minghao, Mingyu and Vern before setting his jaw. "Fine. Fuck this place." 

He storms out like the overgrown toddler he is, knocking over a pile of clothes on his way. Vern throws his hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans and turns back to them. 

"I'm so sorry about that." Minghao says, genuinely meaning it, and glances back at Mingyu to assess the damage. He's shaken, unsurprisingly, but the smile he gives Minghao is genuine. 

Vern - or, Vernon, upon second glance at his nametag - shrugs like he’s genuinely unbothered by everything that just happened. "If he can respect my pronouns I don’t see why he can’t respect yours." He nods at Mingyu, shooting him a friendly smile behind Minghao’s back.

Mingyu shuffles out until he’s standing on his own, though he keeps a loose grip on Minghao’s hand. "Thank you." 

Vernon shrugs again. "No worries man. Did you still want that jacket?" 

"Please." 

"I'm Vernon, by the way." He says as he leads them to the register. There's another employee leaning over the counter looking very interested as they approach. "This is Chan."

"Mingyu."

"Minghao." 

"Cool." 

"Hey." 

Vernon rings them up and lets Mingyu wear the clothes out because he feels bad, even when they both insist that it’s fine. By the time he's paid, Mingyu has stopped shaking as much and Minghao feels like the day might not be ruined yet.

"Hey uh…” Vernon turns to Mingyu before they can walk out. “Y'know, if you wanted advice on anything you can hit me up anytime. I've been doing this whole trans thing for a while so I've got some pretty good tips." 

Mingyu _beams_. "Yes! Um- I mean that’d be great uh- thanks." 

Vernon smiles. "Anytime, dude."

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


"My hair looks awful." Is the first thing Mingyu says when he sees his fresh, shiny new ID card. "Can you believe I had to work overtime for a month just to afford this piece of plastic? And my hair doesn't even look good!" 

"There's a shiny black M and your real name on that card and you're worried about your hair?" Minghao asks incredulously, snatching the card out of Mingyu's hand to inspect it more closely.

_Name: Kim Mingyu_

_DOB: 1997/04/06_

_Gender: M_

"I paid for it, I'm allowed to complain!" Despite all his whining, Mingyu hasn't stopped grinning since he found the envelope sitting in their mailbox. These past few months have been rough, some of the hardest of both of their lives so far, but despite and in spite of all of it, they're still here. 

"I can't believe it's official." Mingyu whispers. 

“Believe it,” Minghao says. Mingyu’s eyes are glassy and Minghao has a class to get to. “Mr Kim Mingyu.”

His heart does a somersault when Mingyu looks up at him, cheeks pulled as far as they’ll go and pearly whites on full display. Minghao breathes in sunshine and another piece of his life falls into place. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“Were you listening in the doctor’s office at all?” Minghao huffs, already typing ‘how to inject t’ into the search bar of his phone. 

“I was excited.” Mingyu pouts, flipping the box over and over in his hands searching for instructions. “I thought they’d be on the box. Why wouldn’t they be on the box?” 

“Not every box has instructions.” Minghao lectures, switching between websites until he finds one with diagrams. “Okay I found one.”

He pauses, glancing down at Mingyu unsurely. “Did you want me to uh...?”

“Is it weird if I ask you to do it for me?” Mingyu asks, eyes shining, “Just the first one?”

Minghao is already shaking his head, though his heart rate spikes a bit. “No it’s not weird.” 

"Okay." Mingyu smiles, a short curl of lips Minghao guesses is supposed to be reassuring. 

"Um, okay, so you know I'm gonna need to stick it in your leg right?" 

Mingyu clears his throat and looks down at himself. He's wearing sweatpants of all things. "I'm aware."

"Great." Minghao nods to himself. He's not a hormonal teenager anymore, he can control himself for fuck sakes. What's a bit of skin between friends on the search for gender euphoria? Granted, the giant fucking needle removes all heat from the situation once Minghao's got it out of the box. Which is great because it probably helps to have a clear head while doing stuff like this. 

"Where am I sticking this?" He asks. Mingyu looks up from scrolling through the Wikihow. "Thigh or ass?"

"Uh." Mingyu visibly blanks for a second. "Thigh. I don’t think I can do my ass on my own without, like, missing a bunch of times."

Minghao laughs and pulls on a pair of latex gloves. "What a sentence." 

He makes sure Mingyu is paying attention while he gets everything set up. Mingyu watches quietly the whole time, nervously fidgeting in his seat every few seconds. His face is flushed.

"Drop your pants when you’re ready." 

"Romantic." Mingyu jokes half-heartedly and starts wrestling the waistband of his pants over his hips while still sitting down - and trying to make sure his underwear doesn't come down with it. "At least take me on a date first." 

Minghao is three lightyears away when his mouth blurts: "Sure, how about tomorrow?" 

There’s a moment of silence where Minghao mourns a lot of things. Mingyu shuts him up by replying, voice lacking any and all joking intonations: "Okay. When and where?" 

Minghao nearly drops the needle his hands are trembling so much. "Um." His voice shakes. He clears his throat and tries again. "Sorry, are we being serious?" 

Mingyu's cheeks are still flushed a pretty pink when Minghao feels brave enough to look at him. He's kicking his feet and looking up at Minghao with wide eyes, face uncharacteristically somber. "I am." 

Minghao puts the needle down. "Then.. me too." 

Mingyu’s lips pull up until he’s beaming so hard Minghao gets sympathy aches. He matches the smile as best as he can. "Wow that was…" He trails off. His head feels all muddled.

"...Way easier than everyone says it is." Mingyu finishes for him. "But my pants are still down so can you give me my man medicine and we can talk about this afterwards?" 

"Man medicine?" Minghao laughs, head spinning and heart full. It's surreal, everything is. Mingyu. If Minghao wasn't sweating under the bathroom lighting and if he hadn’t accidentally snapped the gloves he's wearing too tight earlier he'd swear this was a dream. 

"Come on doc,” Mingyu whines, “My ass is getting cold." Mingyu has his arms wrapped around his torso and is staring at Minghao with a challenging eyebrow raised.

Minghao rolls his eyes and picks up the needle again. "Yes sir." 

They both go quiet as Minghao focuses back on the task at hand, disinfecting the area of Mingyu's leg and getting him to instruct Minghao on where exactly he's supposed to stick the needle. 

"Here?" He asks, needle hovering a few centimetres over Mingyu's thigh at a 90 degree angle. 

"Yeah that looks right." 

Minghao adjusts his grip on the needle and holds Mingyu's leg still with his other hand. 

"Waitwaitwait can you- can you please give me a count down or something?" Mingyu rambles, hands on Minghao's shoulders and out of breath. 

Minghao squints. "On three?" He asks, gauging Mingyu's reaction.

Mingyu nods, squeezes his eyes shut, and yells out when Minghao stabs the needle into his thigh on one and a half. 

“Oh you _asshole_.” He moans, clenching his hands into fists next to Minghao’s head. 

“You did great sweetie.” Minghao coos, knocking Mingyu on the chin with a gloved hand. “Did you want a lollipop?” 

“I’m never trusting you again.” Mingyu glares, eyes watering. “And yes I want a fucking lollipop.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


"Hey Hao?"

Minghao can’t help but smile at the sound of Mingyu's voice. Almost a month on T and his voice has dropped lower and faster than either of them expected, an almost 180 to the high nasally tone it was before. He pauses in the doorway, heart fluttering when their eyes meet through the bathroom mirror.

Mingyu's hands are fluttering over the sink, over unopened boxes and plastic. He's drowning in the shirt he stole straight out of Minghao's closet. His hair is getting long at the back and Minghao will offer to shave it later. "Sorry, are you busy? If you are that’s okay I just, you said you’d teach me how to… so… can you..?" 

Minghao steps closer to peer at the boxes scattered across the counter while Mingyu trails off unsurely. He breaks out into a soft smile once he realises what they are. “I’m not busy.” 

Mingyu smiles, closed mouthed so his canines get caught on his bottom lip and Minghao resists the urge to cover them with his own lips, muffle that smile into something warmer and sweeter, less unsure. Instead he grabs one of the boxes off the bathroom sink and plants his chin on Mingyu’s shoulder to read the label. “Hey, this is the brand I use.”

“I know.” Mingyu laughs, the vibrations rumbling through Minghao’s neck. “You told me to get it.” 

“Did I?” He looks at Mingyu through the bathroom mirror and gapes. “Since when do you take my advice?” 

Mingyu lifts his shoulder and wiggles Minghao off him. “Fine. Don’t help me. I’ll just use Wikihow.” 

Minghao hums and wraps his arms around Mingyu’s waist, holding his hands just over the hem of baggy sweatpants. He kisses Mingyu’s neck in apology and giggles when he lets out a petulant whine and fails to fight back a smile. “Hmm, but can Wikihow do this?”

A sharp inhale, a bated breath, Minghao’s lips travel lower down his neck and Mingyu says: “Are you jealous of a website?” 

The laugh that bursts out of Minghao gets lost in the fabric of Mingyu’s (Minghao’s) T-shirt. “Oh my god shut _up_.” 

He stands up to give Mingyu room to move and asks: “Have you washed your face yet?” 

Mingyu nods. “Okay just wet the bottom half of your face then.” 

Their tiny one person bathroom is definitely not big enough for the both of them and there’s nowhere for Minghao to stand without having a corner of something digging into one of his body parts. But the unconstrained giddiness with which Mingyu applies the shaving cream to his face, the happiest Minghao has seen him since his first T injection, the pure _excitement_ Mingyu radiates; _that’s_ worth all the bruises in the world. 

Mingyu turns to him with the razor in his hand. “Can you show me how to do it?” 

“Of course.” He delicately takes the razor from Mingyu and directs his face away from the mirror, a hand curled under his jaw, just shy of the shaving cream, to keep his head in place. 

“Hold the razor in your hand like this,” He holds it up between them to demonstrate, “Don’t put too much pressure on it or you’ll cut yourself.” He explains the process as best as he can, trying not to get too distracted by Mingyu’s wide eyes, and demonstrates a few strokes to the side of Mingyu’s cheek, letting him get a feel for it before he hands the razor back and lets him take over. 

“Like this?” Mingyu asks after the first stroke. 

“A _liiiittle_ bit more pressure.” 

Another stroke. 

“That’s perfect. You’re doing great.” 

Mingyu smiles, subdued in the shitty bathroom lighting. Minghao’s heart is full to burst and he's never been happier, never wanted anyone as much as he wants Mingyu. Another piece clicks into place.

A droplet of water hits the sink. Mingyu scrapes the razor down his cheek. Minghao breathes in. 

“I love you.” He breathes out. Mingyu nicks his cheek and the shaving cream on his face runs pink. 

"Right now?" Mingyu squeaks, his changing voice breaking twice before the end of the question. 

Minghao shrugs, light now that the words have left him. "Now. Yesterday. Tomorrow." 

"No I mean-" Mingyu puts the razor down with a sharp clatter. He looks down at himself. "This?" 

Minghao shakes his head and rolls his sleeve over his hand to dab at the small stream of blood on Mingyu's cheek. Mingyu leans into it when Minghao's other hand comes up to rest on the side of his face, already mostly shaved clean. _"You."_

"But I'm not…" 

"All of you, Mingyu. Every version." Mingyu looks away, and it kills Minghao to see him so unsure of himself. There's shaving cream dripping off his chin but it's more important that Minghao kiss him right this second, kiss away all of his worries and insecurities because Mingyu is nothing short of perfect. 

So he does just that. He kisses Mingyu until he's breathless and there's shaving cream up his nose. He kisses Mingyu because it's his favourite thing to do and there's nothing more important than this moment, right now. He kisses Mingyu and he's home. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Minghao can't help but get distracted listening to Mingyu's harsh panting and moans that are only getting lower as the months of T tick on. Mingyu’s made so much progress since they started - in his therapy sessions, in his gym routine, in their relationship. Minghao gets overwhelmed sometimes, thinking about how Mingyu chose him. Mingyu could have anything and anyone in the entire world and he chose _him._

A soft whine brings Minghao back to the present. Mingyu's on top of him - his favourite place to be - already a mess when they've barely done anything and riding Minghao's thigh like his life depends on it. Minghao has a steadying arm around his waist, face almost buried in Mingyu's binderless chest, peppering kisses to every bit of skin he can reach. Mingyu still has his shirt and underwear on. Minghao slips a hand up his shirt, running it along a smooth, rapidly hardening stomach, careful not to go any higher because Mingyu doesn’t like those parts of himself.

Mingyu suddenly pulls away before Minghao's hand can wander too far. "Wait-" He gasps, voice thick. Minghao pulls his hands away and sits up, immediately concerned. 

"Are you okay? I'm sorry, did I hurt you? Is this too far?" He rambles, hands fluttering uselessly, wanting to touch but understanding Mingyu's body language says he can't. Not yet.

Mingyu shakes his head frantically, curling into a ball. "No no you were- you're perfect I just-" He wraps an arm around his chest and Minghao understands. 

"Oh Mingyu…" He shuffles closer, still giving Mingyu breathing room but testing the waters. Mingyu lets him hold his free hand. " _You're_ perfect."

Mingyu shakes his head, cheeks wet, and Minghao's heart breaks. "I love you, Mingyu. No matter what you look like. You're the only man I need in my life." 

"I'm not…" 

"You're my _boyfriend_." He stresses. "Remember how you gave me beard burn last week?" 

That gets a weak laugh out of him, so Minghao takes it and runs with it. "You've got thighs most dudes would _kill_ for." He trails a hand down said thighs, feeling the muscles tense under him. Mingyu makes a small noise in the back of his throat and squeezes Minghao's hand. It's a good sign. _Keep going._

"I bet,” He starts, biting his lip and looking up through his eyelashes, voice dropping low, “You could fuck me against that wall," He points across the room, at the only empty spot in their tiny bedroom wall, "And not get even a little bit tired." 

Mingyu looks down at him, eyes hooded and lip between his teeth, and Minghao knows he’s okay. He wipes the remaining tears from Mingyu's cheeks and kisses him, trying to reassure him in a way he just can’t put into words. 

Mingyu pulls away again after a moment, this time only enough to whisper: "I love you too." in the space between. Minghao's heart _soars._

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Sometimes, being with Mingyu through his transition feels a bit like raising a child; an overgrown toddler with zero worries or thoughts that plague Minghao's mind for weeks leading up to an event. 

"Minghao. Relax." Seokmin berates lightly, appearing out of thin air to slip the pen out of Minghao's twitchy hands and ceasing the nervous tapping noise. 

"I can't." Minghao groans, twisting his hands together for something to do. "He's having _surgery_ and I'm not _there_." 

Seokmin plants a grounding hand on the leg that started bouncing without Minghao noticing and fixes him with a look. "Call him." 

Minghao could honestly start crying any second.

Seokmin continues, holding Minghao's phone out to him: "I just talked to Josh and he said Seungcheol is stuck in traffic, which means you have fifteen minutes to go cry on the phone with your boyfriend and get this out of your system so you can do your job." 

Scratch that: Minghao could cry _and_ kiss Seokmin right there, in front of their coworkers and God. "Have I ever told you that I love you?" He asks with all the seriousness of a dying man, voice only a little wobbly. 

Seokmin laughs and leads them out of the room with a hand to Minghao's back. "Doesn't hurt to hear it again." 

He leaves Minghao in an empty office with a wave, his phone and _Tell Vernon I say hi!_

Minghao shakes his legs out because they feel like jelly, and then decides to sit down just in case they give out. He calls Vernon, because it's too close to the surgery time and he doubts Mingyu still has his phone on him. He chews on his lip while he listens to the dial tone, and Vernon picks up on the second ring. 

"About time." Vernon greets. Minghao doesn’t even have time to get a greeting out before there's the sound of rustling and-

"Hao." Mingyu is smiling, he can _hear_ it. "I thought you had a meeting."

"It doesn't matter." Minghao finds his voice but his throat is tight and it's hard to breathe. "Mingyu I'm sorry I can't be there-" 

"I know." Mingyu laughs. "You keep saying." 

Minghao takes a deep calming breath and swallows down the nerves climbing up his throat. "Are you nervous?" 

"Not really. Just excited." Mingyu answers. And that’s the thing about knowing him for so long - Minghao knows him like the back of his hand so he _knows_ Mingyu is telling the truth. There's not a hint of worry in his voice - Mingyu's putting all of his faith into a doctor and trusting that nothing will go wrong. Maybe Minghao should learn to do the same. 

He doesn’t. Instead he says: "I'm so proud of you," and his voice splinters and breaks and ends in a pathetic whimper and _god_ he wasn’t supposed to _cry_. But it's true, he's so proud of how endlessly brave and strong Mingyu is.

"Nooo." Mingyu whines, laughing gently at Minghao’s expense, "You're not allowed to cry." 

Minghao laughs wetly and wipes his eyes with his sleeves. "Sorry. I just wish I was there." 

"I know." Mingyu says, gentle but still teasing. Then, softer: "I miss you." 

"I miss you too." 

A door opens over the line. "Ah is that the boyfriend finally?" An unfamiliar voice; the doctor maybe? 

Mingyu giggles. "The one and only." 

"Oh my god I'm _sorry_." Minghao moans, burying his face in his hands even though no one can see him. He must be on speaker because an audience of laughter breaks out at his suffering.

"Don't be." Mingyu says. "We're just teasing. You're so cute." 

"Thanks." Minghao laughs, then clears his throat when it gets cut off by a sob. "Fuck, sorry."

"God seriously Hao you're gonna make _me_ cry." Mingyu complains. 

“You know I’m a crybaby.” He whines. 

“I do.” Mingyu admits, “And I love you for it. Even if you are an ugly crier.”

Minghao sniffs. “I’m hanging up.” 

“You can’t.” Oh god that’s Vernon’s _mum._ “You have to tell him you love him and cry some more so we aren’t bored.”

“Mum leave him alone.” Vernon laughs. 

“Mingyu please take me off speaker.” Minghao begs. His cheeks are drying and just hearing Mingyu’s calm voice has eased the anxiety under his skin enough he might actually be able to focus today.

The tinny echo subsides and Mingyu’s voice is clearer and closer when he says: “I’ll see you when I wake up right?” 

Minghao nods to himself. “I’ll make sure I’m the first thing you see.” 

“ _Awww.”_ Vernon coos in the background and Minghao realises he was put on speaker again.

“I hate you so much.” He growls, but Mingyu is laughing too hard to hear him.

  
  
  


* * *

Minghao has mixed emotions about his current situation. On one hand he hates hospitals, they remind him of dystopian movies and video games and he’s on edge, ready to be whisked away for illegal experiments any second. Also, the chair he’s sitting in is lumpy and his butt is numb. 

On the other hand, Mingyu looks beautiful when he’s asleep, even in the scratchy, ugly coloured hospital robes and with a breathing tube up his nose. Not to mention Vernon and his mum left the moment he arrived, so besides a couple of nurses coming in every fifteen minutes to check Mingyu’s vitals, he’s alone to stare at his boyfriend as much as he wants. 

The clock is ticking over the hour when Mingyu finally moves, a twitch of the hand held tight between one of Minghao’s and a furrow of his eyebrows as he wakes up. 

“Mingyu?” Minghao calls, heart fluttering excitedly. “Baby open your eyes.” 

He reaches over and presses the call nurse button as Mingyu’s eyelids flutter, blinking blearily and squeezing his eyes shut a few times until they can stay open. 

“Hey sleepyhead.” He smiles, running a hand through Mingyu’s messy hair. 

“Hao.” Mingyu grins sleepily, eyes going a little cross eyed as he tries to look at Minghao. “Do I look handsome now?”

Minghao giggles and presses a kiss to Mingyu’s hand. “You’ve always been handsome.”

“Finally awake I see?” The doctor, who Minghao still hasn’t actually met yet, walks in just as Mingyu’s eyes are starting to droop again. Minghao pats his hand lightly until he wakes up. “How are you feeling?” 

Mingyu’s grin is lopsided. “Fantastic.” 

The doctor nods and looks up from his notes, straight at Minghao. “Ah, you must be the crying boyfriend from earlier?” He holds a hand out for a handshake and Minghao flushes crimson. 

He clears his throat and shakes the doctor’s hand. “Minghao. It’s great to meet you.” 

“And you.” He smiles and turns back to address Mingyu. “Well, Mingyu.” He says, looking over his notes. “Everything went as expected, so as long as you take care of yourself while you’re healing and take your meds there shouldn’t be any problems going forward.” 

“No more…” He flops a hand around his general chest area, nearly nicking the edge of a bandage. 

“No more of those pesky things.” The doctor nods, holding back his laughter surprisingly well. He must do this a lot. 

Minghao smiles, takes what feels like his first breath all day, and catches the first few tears as they drip down Mingyu’s cheek on his finger. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Mingyu's thoughts have always been the loudest when he's quiet. It's the lack of endless, mindless chatter that always tips Minghao off, every time.

Mingyu's reading in their bed when Minghao gets home from work and doesn’t say _anything_ after his usual call of _‘welcome home baby’_. His hair is falling messily over his forehead when Minghao finds him and he's got reading glasses balancing on the tip of his nose. He looks tired, in the deep emotional way that comes from years of- well. 

Minghao drops his bag by the door and calls gently. "Mingyu." 

Mingyu looks up, lips turning up into a smile that's not really there. He hums a noise that acts as a question and Minghao sighs, gently, and pads over to the bed. "What's up?" 

Mingyu hesitates for the briefest second before closing his book. "It's my sister." 

Minghao's stomach drops. They haven't spoken since Mingyu came out. "Oh." He whispers. " _Fuck_." 

Mingyu shrinks in on himself a little. "Yeah. She um, she emailed me this morning." 

"What did she want?" Minghao sits on the bed and holds Mingyu's shaking hands between his own. 

"Actually she um- wait, I'll show you." He grabs his phone, charging on the bedside table, and unlocks it to bring up the email, already open like he's been reading it over all day.

It's overly formal and reads more like a business proposal than anything else, but. It's unassuming, unexpectant. A hand held out. A door, previously thought deadbolted and locked forever, now cracked open and sat ajar. A choice.

"What are you gonna do?" 

Mingyu breathes out heavy and sinks further into the bed. "I don't know." 

Minghao strokes his thumbs across Mingyu's hand in silent encouragement and waits for him to continue. 

"I miss her." He confesses. "I want to see her but I- I mean it's been so long." 

Minghao nods and hums and says: "I can come with you, if you want? Moral support?" 

Mingyu smiles but shakes his head. "No it's okay. I should do this by myself. I rely on you too much already." 

"Don't be dumb." Minghao scolds fondly. He pecks Mingyu on the forehead and continues, "But if you want to do it alone then okay." 

Mingyu mumbles _thank you_ and kisses him, soft and careful. Minghao pulls away after a moment to say: "Just let me know the time and place so I can be on standby if you need backup." 

Mingyu laughs and shoves him away but grabs his hands before he can go too far. "What are you gonna do? Beat my sister up?"

Minghao frowns. "It's the least I can do after how she treated you. I'm sure I can get some of the guys involved too we can-"

"Hao, seriously I’ll be _fine_." Mingyu's brow wrinkles and he pulls his hands away to look at Minghao better. "I can handle myself, I don't need you to protect me anymore." 

Minghao recoils like he's been hit. "Mingyu- no it's not like that." Mingyu looks away. Minghao grabs both of his hands again and tries to catch his eye. "Baby please look at me." 

Mingyu does, after a moment. He looks hurt and Minghao hates that he's the cause of that look, even unintentionally. 

"Mingyu, you are so strong, and brave, and you could beat _me_ up if you wanted to, no questions asked." Mingyu smiles a little, so Minghao powers on.

"I'm just worried about your sister, that's all. I know how important she is to you." He drops their hands just to cup Mingyu's face and Mingyu leans into it, eyes slipping closed. 

"I know you can handle yourself just fine." He says, and means it. Mingyu nods, eyes still closed, and leans forward to lean their foreheads together. His arms slip around Minghao and hold tight.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles. Minghao shakes his head, just a fraction, and leans forward just enough for their lips to meet. His thumbs stroke the side of Mingyu’s face and Mingyu finally opens his eyes. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


It's been the two of them for so long that Minghao forgets, sometimes, how it was before. How _they_ were, how they both used to be. Before Mingyu got kicked out of home, before Minghao fell in love with his best friend. He thinks of it now, of all times, on the way to pick Mingyu up from the cafe where he’s just spent the last - he checks the clock in his car - two and a half hours catching up with his sister. 

Before, well, everything happened, the three of them used to hang out a lot while growing up. Minghao was never as close to Mingyu’s sister as he was to Mingyu, due to the age gap, the fact that he met Mingyu first or that their personalities just seemed to clash more often than not, but they were close enough that Minghao felt he lost a friend the day Minseo turned her back on her brother. And maybe a small, miniscule part of him, the part that hasn’t been holding a grudge against her since the first night Minghao had to see Mingyu cry himself to sleep, missed her too. 

Which is probably the main reason behind Minghao’s ever growing anxiety as he waits for Mingyu to appear through the doors of the cafe. He can’t help that his mind jumps to the worst scenarios at times like these - in the world they live in, it’s more often a safety net than it is paranoia. Because he _wants_ things to be okay between them; all three of them. Mingyu has never been the same without his sister.

He waits for ten minutes, locking and unlocking his phone every ten seconds to see if Mingyu has seen any of his messages, before giving up and going in to check for himself. He’s not being overprotective - Mingyu has an appointment across town in an hour - and he keeps telling himself that as his head runs through several different ways to make Minseo suffer if she did anything to hurt a single hair on Mingyu’s head. 

He tries to look casual and normal and not like he’s on the verge of a panic attack as he walks into the cafe and spots Mingyu on the first sweeping glance around. His breath stutters and he stops mid step when he fully takes in what he’s seeing. 

Mingyu is - there aren’t words to describe how _happy_ he looks. He’s thriving, breathing like Minghao hasn’t seen him do in _years._ His eyes are almost gone with how hard he’s smiling, laughter reaching Minghao’s ears from the cafe entrance. And right across from him, Minseo’s hair has gotten shorter but other than that she looks the same as before. Older, more mature, less whiny, he supposes, but recognisable. And she’s sporting the same smile as her brother, maybe slightly more restrained but not enough to dim any of the happiness she’s feeling.

To an outsider, they look like they’ve been talking for years. There’s nothing to indicate the nature of their meeting, the fight that drove them apart nor any lingering resentment for anything that was said. And Minghao is standing in the middle of a crowded cafe, watching the love of his life mend ties with one of the most important people in his life, and is flooded with relief so strong, so overwhelming that his chest burns with it.

It’s not until Minseo spots him and her smile dims, tipping off Minghao’s presence, and Mingyu turns to look at him that he realises he’s crying. Mingyu is on his feet the moment he spots him, and Minghao isn’t fast enough to wipe away the tears before Mingyu has his head cradled against his chest. 

“Baby what’s wrong?” Mingyu asks, alarmed, and rubs his back soothingly. Minghao buries his face in Mingyu’s shirt and sincerely hopes the entire cafe isn’t staring at him. He shakes his head and sobs pathetically into the soft fabric, willing himself to calm down. 

“Sorry- I’m sorry-” He rambles, trying to get a hold of himself. He sobs and pulls away to wipe his eyes. 

“What is it? Hao?” Mingyu soothes, watching Minghao carefully as he regulates his breathing. 

Minghao shakes his head. “It’s nothing I’m just-” He looks back at Minseo to find her watching him warily. He turns back around and directs at Mingyu’s chest: “I’m just so _relieved_.” 

Mingyu pauses for a second to process, and then laughs out loud, the sound rumbling through Minghao’s face still pressed to his chest. He coos and ruffles Minghao’s hair, ignoring the irritated whine Minghao lets out at having his hair messed up. “My little crybaby.” 

“Shut up.” He grumbles and sniffles. “I was worried.” 

“I know.” Mingyu sighs. Minghao clings to him for a moment longer before pulling away and attempting to compose himself. 

“Did you forget about your appointment?” He scolds lightly, pulling his phone out of his back pocket to show Mingyu the time. 

“Oh.” Mingyu breathes. “I... guess we lost track of time?” He offers up a sheepish smile in apology and glances at Minseo behind him.

Minghao finally turns to face Minseo properly, wiping away the remaining wetness around his eyes to fix her with a calculating look. 

“Minghao.” She says.

“Minseo.” He nods, mouth twisting. 

He can _feel_ the nervous energy radiating off of Mingyu behind him and lets his edges soften with a sigh. He really did miss her. “It’s been a while.” 

She smiles slow in response and pulls him into a hug that’s bone-crushing. “Missed you too Minghao.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Minghao is reading peacefully in his bed after dinner, waiting for Mingyu to finish the dishes, and is mid-sentence when the book in his hands suddenly disappears and his 6 ft tall boyfriend is crawling into his lap like he weighs nothing.

"Oh my god” Minghao wheezes, adjusting Mingyu before he settles properly so his dick doesn’t get crushed. “You really are a dog that doesn’t know how big it is." Minghao grunts under the heavy weight of Mingyu's thighs. He thinks he could die like this and die happy. Minghao pouts, grabbing a solid handful of ass just because he can and relishes in the cheeky smirk he gets in response. 

"Did you want me to move?" Mingyu tilts his head, pressing closer with clearly no intention of moving any time soon. 

Minghao kisses up his jaw in response, litters them across a bare chest peeking through the loose t-shirt he's thrown on. Mingyu whines low in his throat when Minghao reaches a spot under his ear and pulls Minghao up for a proper kiss. The angle is awkward, Minghao's neck stiff, but it's a sacrifice he's willing to make for the sake of worshipping Mingyu like the god he is. 

“You’re beautiful.” Mingyu breathes into the minimal space between their lips when he pulls away. “I don’t tell you that enough but you are.” 

Minghao doesn’t bury his face in Mingyu’s neck in embarrassment, no matter how much he wants to hide away whenever Mingyu is blunt like this. He does pull Mingyu in for another kiss though, long and slow, so sweet his teeth ache. 

“Are you busy?” Mingyu asks, just before he bites down on Minghao’s lower lip. Minghao’s, embarrassingly, already half hard in his track pants and the hands feeling up his front and sides aren’t helping much. He glances at the book, thrown carelessly across the room, and just knows the pages are getting all bent. There’s also two days until Mingyu is scheduled for his last surgery - something he’s, for some reason, started referring to as ‘meeting a long distance friend’ and will not stop telling everyone he knows about it. 

Minghao forgets all of this as soon as he looks back at Mingyu.

“Too busy for you?” He hums, getting increasingly harder with thoughts of Mingyu with a dick. “Never.” 

“Good.” Mingyu grins and switches their positions so Minghao’s hovering over him with a steadying hand on his hip and half of his shirt hanging off his shoulder. Mingyu’s hair is splayed out across the pillow and he’s biting his lip to suppress his content smile, eyes half lidded and watching Minghao intently. 

“I love you.” Minghao says, because he can, because he feels it and means it.

Mingyu smiles, canines on display, and says: “I love you too.” 

Minghao dips down to kiss along Mingyu’s collarbone, runs his hands across the flat, smooth surface of his chest, fingers catching on battle scars. He helps Mingyu shuffle out of his shirt and listens to the soft noises he makes as Minghao’s mouth dips back in, lower this time to kiss along the scars, teasingly brushing over sensitive nipples along the way.

Mingyu wiggles a hand between their bodies to cup Minghao through his pants; straightforward. “Hurry up.” He whines, ever the impatient one. 

Minghao laughs breathlessly and ignores him in favour of attaching his mouth to a nipple, flicking the other between his fingers and relishing in the breathy moans Mingyu lets out in response. Mingyu grinds up against Minghao’s leg when Minghao makes no move to do anything else, content to watch Mingyu lose all of his composure and become the whiny mess he loves the most. 

“Hao-” Mingyu breathes, “ _Please_.”

Finally, _finally,_ Minghao quits teasing. He runs a hand down the length of Mingyu’s arm, reaching the hand that’s still impatiently rubbing Minghao through his pants. He gently guides their hands to where Mingyu is soaking his underwear, brushing Mingyu’s fingers over his clit before reaching the hem. “Touch yourself for me, baby.”

Mingyu slips a hand into his underwear with a low whimper as Minghao slips out of his pants and shirt, throwing them across the room to join the forgotten book. He grabs a condom out of the nightstand and crawls back over Mingyu, pulling his legs closer and lightly holds the hem of Mingyu’s underwear, waiting for an okay before he pulls them off. 

It’s taken years of built up trust to get to where they are now; the point where Mingyu can let Minghao take care of him, where he can feel comfortable enough to be his 100% genuine self, without fear of judgement. Minghao has never felt more honoured to be trusted so wholeheartedly, and he’s spent years proving himself to Mingyu over and over again, proving to the both of them that he deserves it. 

Mingyu closes his eyes when Minghao pulls his underwear down and flings it away, settling back in between his legs just to kiss him senseless. His hands roam down, down, down to pull Mingyu's hand gently away from his clit just to take over with his own fingers, rubbing him in slow, torturous circles until Mingyu is bucking up into his hand. 

“Feel good baby?” He asks, watching Mingyu writhe under him. Mingyu never can quite manage to keep from squirming every time they have sex and Minghao finds it so incredibly endearing.

“Mm.” Mingyu moans, eyes squeezed shut. “‘M gonna-”

He cuts himself off with a low whine as Minghao picks up the pace and brings Mingyu to his first orgasm of the night, back arching and fingers digging crescents into Minghao’s arms. Mingyu hits Minghao’s hand away when the overstimulation borders painful and whines into the pillow under him. 

Minghao’s hand moves to Mingyu’s inner thigh to rub circles in the soft skin there while he catches his breath. His other hand lazily strokes his cock to full hardness as he waits, watching Mingyu slowly come back to him. 

“Okay?” He laughs. Mingyu blinks blearily up at him, spaced out, chest heaving.

“Yeah.” he pants. “That was a lot.” 

“Too much too fast?” Minghao asks worriedly. Mingyu shakes his head and pulls Minghao down on top of him, legs wrapping around his hips keeping him trapped in place. 

“No it was perfect.” 

“You’re perfect.” Minghao counters immediately, kissing the tip of Mingyu’s nose just because he can. 

“Shut up.” Mingyu mumbles, face red from more than just the orgasm. 

Minghao kisses him properly, tongue dipping out to lick into Mingyu’s mouth and swallowing his moans when his cock unintentionally rubs against Mingyu’s sensitive clit. He whispers an apology between kisses, the tail end of it cut off by Mingyu’s lips anyway.

He gets a hand between Mingyu’s legs again, this time running lower until he can slip two fingers into his wet heat, the slide easy with how worked up Mingyu is already. He pumps his fingers a few times, swallowing every moan and whimper that leaves Mingyu’s mouth, before adding a third and aiming deep. 

“H-Hao please-” Mingyu pants into his mouth, breath hot and voice high. “Please I need you-”

“I’m right here baby.” He says, slipping his fingers out of Mingyu in one quick movement. He fishes the condom out of the sheets and slips it on, laughing at Mingyu’s impatient whining when he takes too long. Once it’s on, he moves his clean hand to one of Mingyu’s, lying limp on the bed next to his head and threads their fingers together. 

He rubs the head of his cock up Mingyu’s folds until he starts whining again. Only then does he slide the tip of it in, slow so as not to hurt Mingyu and so he can feel each inch as it slides against his walls, deeper and deeper until he’s bottomed out and Mingyu is panting into the skin of his neck. 

“Okay?” He asks, running a soothing hand through Mingyu’s messy hair. He lets Mingyu breathe, adjust, and then there’s the quietest, breathiest _okay_ and Minghao pulls out until just the tip is in and slams back in.

Mingyu _keens_ with the first thrust, wriggling like he wants to both get away and pull himself closer at the same time. Minghao struggles to hold his hips down and seriously considers going to the gym with him one of these days if it means he won’t be in danger of being bucked off the bed every time he tops. 

He thrusts at a steady rhythm, letting out low moans of his own at the hot feeling of Mingyu’s walls for maybe the last time. It’s not something he’s particularly sad about, but he’s self-aware enough to admit he’ll miss this specific part of sex with Mingyu. That, and all the money they’d saved up until then on lube. 

“Faster.” Mingyu pants from somewhere near his ear. Minghao only has a view of the back of his head; Mingyu has such a tight grip on him that it’s impossible to move and his face is completely hidden in Minghao’s shoulder. Minghao happily obliges, snapping his hips at an almost breakneck pace and Mingyu gets so loud he’s pretty sure the whole building can hear them. 

“Are you close?” Minghao asks when the pressure in his gut starts building up. Mingyu nods wordlessly, mouth open against Minghao’s neck and Minghao brings a hand back down to his clit. His fingers barely brush against the nub before Mingyu is crying out, sounding absolutely _wrecked_ and his walls are clenching around Minghao’s cock. His body shakes with the force of it, and in his orgasmic haze Mingyu bites down on the sensitive skin under Minghao’s ear and that’s what finally tips him over the edge. 

Minghao cums, still buried deep, and Mingyu’s walls clench and milk his cock for everything it’s worth. Mingyu rides him through it, coming down from his own orgasm and trembling from aftershocks but still thrusting shallowly back on Minghao’s dick like he can’t get enough. 

“Holy shit.” Mingyu says and giggles breathlessly, finally letting go of Minghao’s neck to flop back against the bed. He runs a hand through his hair and lets his eyes slip closed as he fights to catch his breath again. Minghao resists the urge to let his arms give out like they desperately want to, because Mingyu is lazy and if Minghao doesn’t clean them up then they’ll both go to sleep sticky. 

“I’ll be right back.” He says, leaving a kiss on Mingyu’s sweaty forehead and pulls out, apologising under his breath when Mingyu flinches. He gets the condom off, tying it and chucking it in the bin before going to find a cloth. “Did you want a shower?” He calls back before he can get too far.

“No.” Mingyu whines, muffled by something. When Minghao returns, having successfully found a cloth, Mingyu’s face is buried under one of Minghao’s sweaters he left near the bed. 

“What are you doing?” Minghao giggles, throwing the cloth on Mingyu’s exposed stomach. 

“It smells like you.” Mingyu explains, burying his nose further into the soft fabric.

“Right.” Minghao laughs and starts cleaning up. 

In the afterglow, when there’s a dirty cloth on the bedside table and Minghao’s got sweat drying on his temple, Minghao lies with his head on Mingyu's chest and looks up at him through his eyelashes. Minghao looks at Mingyu and he sees years. Years of growth, of love, of _learning_ to love, of fighting to become the man he is today. Minghao looks at Mingyu and falls in love every morning, all over again, like meeting him for the first time. Minghao looks at Mingyu and sees his reflection, and knows what it means to be considered a home for someone else. 

Minghao sees a future in Mingyu’s eyes. He sees them together tomorrow, having breakfast and goofing around before Minghao has to go to work. He sees them together in the hospital next week, and in the airport next year meeting with Minghao’s parents. If he looks hard enough he thinks he might see himself in a ring shop one day. 

“Are you nervous?” Minghao asks, feeling only a little overwhelmed. He matches Mingyu’s breathing and gets lost in warm eyes. “About the surgery?”

Mingyu shakes his head without missing a beat. “Never.” 

“Why?” He’s never understood how Mingyu can have so much trust in things out of his own control. How he can just believe that everything will be okay. 

Mingyu looks down at him and sees Minghao for everything that he is and ever has been. Mingyu looks at him and says: “Because no matter what happens, I’ll still have you.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> cue super long authors note!
> 
> THE BIGGEST HUGEST MOST GIGANTIC THANK YOU goes to rainy who sprung this idea on me out of nowhere and is the sole reason this exists in the first place!! they helped me come up with like all of the scenes and i love and appreciate them so much they basically co-wrote this ;;
> 
> a big thank you to mae who has been nothing but supportive ;____;
> 
> also a big thank u to everyone who follows me on twitter and had to suffer through three endless days of me trying to write this !! yall the mvps !!!!
> 
> ahhhh this fic has turned into my three day baby and i really hope if you made it to the end that you liked it! i would really appreciate any comments either here or on my cc! i might expand upon this universe one day so let me know if there's anything you'd like to see ^^ thank u for reading!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/transgyu?s=09) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/wuju_lbx) | [commission info](https://twitter.com/transgyu/status/1201675317565280256?s=19)


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